真正的道歉

字幕原文

It took me an embarrassingly long 我花了很长很长时间，说来挺难为情的，

time to learn how to apologize properly. 才学会究竟该怎么好好道歉。

For years, my apologies were secretly defenses. 很多年里，我的道歉暗地里其实全是辩解。

I'm sorry, but you started it. “对不起，但明明是你先挑的事。”

I'm sorry if you felt that way. “如果你那么想，那我感到抱歉。”

Little words like but and if 就是像“但是”和“如果”这样的小词，

that quietly took the apology back the moment I'd said it. 话音刚落，就悄悄把道歉又收了回去。

A real apology, I've finally learned, has no but in it. 我终于明白了，真正的道歉里是绝没有“但是”的。

You name what you did, you own it, and you stop talking. 说出你做了什么，承担下来，然后闭嘴。

I'm sorry I snapped at you, that wasn't fair. “对不起我刚才冲你发火了，我那样做不对。”

Full stop. 就到这里，打住。

No excuses, no explaining why you were actually right. 别找借口，也别解释你其实有多占理。

It's uncomfortable, standing there without a defense. 不作任何辩解地站在那里，确实挺让人难受的。

But that discomfort is exactly what makes it real. 但正是这种难受，才让道歉变得真切。

A clean apology, with nothing added, 一句干干净净、不夹杂任何东西的道歉，

is one of the most powerful things you can give another person. 是你所能给予另一个人最有力量的东西之一。